Friday, October 10, 2014

Discussion: The Grimm and Golden Scandals and an Ebola Patient


How would Mike Myers, as Linda Richman, approach the Marty Golden and Michael Grimm scandals and the threat of Ebola  —  and still keep it light and airy enough to segue into Barbra Streisand being “...like buttah” ?

He-She would do it by asking some serious questions about talking to Golden and Grimm without wearing HAZMAT suits  —  and wondering if Golden and/or Grimm would make as much sense when they were talking about their legal problems as a delirious Ebola patient talking about the same thing



Sometimes as I sit and think what I really want out of my life, I say to myself: “Galewyn Massey, my boy, what would your father, Gail Wynand Massey, who married and divorced your mother, Dominique Francon Neal, before he blew his brains out, say if he knew that he had a ginger-haired little semi-bastard like yourself walkin’ around and being a useless waste of space and breath. Then I think of a happier times and places, where I am just like Mike Myers, before he went Hollywood and got corrupted.  If I let myself go, I can even see myself as Linda Richman, with long painted finger nail tips, big hair, big tinted glasses and a deliciously hideous printed dress with a tacky faux-gold long neckless and cocktail rings doing her afternoon talk show, “Coffee Talk with Linda Richman.”

So tonight, I thought I’d do a guest spot on my own blog, sort of like Norman Bates occasionally did at his motel, when taxidermy was no loner enough  —  as my own take on Myers’ Linda Richman.  It would sort of go something like this:

" ********   Before we get into our normal discussion of dogs, daughters, and lofts over our morning coffee; and before anybody mentions how Barbra Streisand's voice and hands and face are all like buttah, I need to step into the little girls  powder room to adjust my spanx (I know it’s an anachronism, but my fantasy IS happening in 2014, not in the early ’90s, and a girl, even an old bird like Linda Richman, does want to look her best).

" ********  So discuss among yourselves: IF YOU HAD A CHOICE OF TALKING TO A DELIRIOUS  EBOLA PATIENT, AND YOU COULD WEAR A HAZMAT SUIT WHILE YOU DID IT —  OR  —   YOU COULD TALK TO THE REPUBLICAN-CONSERVATIVE CANDIDATES FOR RE-ELECTION, CURRENTLY UNDER THE GUN FOR VARIOUS FINANCIAL IRREGULARITIES CONNECTED TO THEIR FORMER BUSINESSES, TO WIT: MARTY GOLDEN AND MICHAEL GRIMM  —   WHOM WOULD YOU PICK TO TALK TO ?

" ********  OH, JUST TO BE CLEAR, YOU WOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO WEAR THE HAZMAT SUIT IF YOU CHOSE TO TALK TO GOLDEN AND GRIMM....

" ********  And if I take extra long powdering my nose, because I feel like I have a little shpilkis in my genechtagazoink,  talk about this too: WHO  DO YOU THINK WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE, GOLDEN AND GRIMM TALKING ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS WITH THE U.S. ATTORNEY —  OR  —  THE DELIRIOUS  EBOLA PATIENT  TALKING ABOUT  GOLDEN'S AND/OR GRIMM'S PROBLEMS WITH THE U.S. ATTORNEY  ?  *******"

I’m sure that Gail Wynand Massey would rather that I were Mike Myers; even if it were when he dressed up like Linda Richman, instead of the ginger-haired semi-bastard that I am, short -- but with a resemblance to Gary Cooper; but only if I could get some serious answers to the questions above, as Mike Myers-Linda Richman.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did you take the red pill again?!

Anonymous said...

Mr. Massey is feeling a bit Verklempt. Discuss among yourselves will he catches his breath. I'll give you some topics:
The Brooklyn Independent GOP Fountainhead is neither independent nor a fountainhead. Discuss.
The Bay Ridge Manor is neither near a bay nor is it a manor. Discuss.
The Brooklyn Young Republicans are neither young nor Republican.
Discuss.(Gerry with a G gave me that one.)

Incidentally, Patricia Neal had a death bed conversion to Catholicism and is buried on the grounds of the Benedictine Abbey in CT. It is the convent where Rev. Mother Dolores Hart is the Prioress.

But of course the post begs the most important question: How does Mr. Massey even know what Spanx are? That's a woman's matter.

Anonymous said...



What happened? All this drama with the Golden boy caused you to hit the bottle?

Anonymous said...

i don't got it, why would i need a hazmat suit to talk to mike grimm or even golden. does it mean massy or myer think they have ebola. i like a joke and political humer, but this isn't funny or smart.

Anonymous said...

time for a good old Broadway show tune

Anonymous said...

There's only one good old Broadway show tune for the likes of Marty "Joe Hynes is an honest player" Golden:

"Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle, Razzle Dazzle 'em . . .

"What if your hinges all are rusting? What if, in fact, your just disgusting? Razzle Dazzle 'em and they'll never catch wise . . . "

Marty Golden as Billy Flynn. Come on you now it's perfect.

/s/

BSI Roxie Cell Block Tango Division

Anonymous said...

Is this the Log cabin Republican blog ?

Anonymous said...

Not so sure how much of a Republican Gale, or Gail, really is.

I get the sense Galey is a cross between a Larry Craig Republican and a Jim McGreevy Democrat.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Mr. Massey is a Republican.

But,

A prophet is not welcome in his own country.

Anonymous said...

Hey Galey, call off the Palace Guard

Anonymous said...

troop movement south of the 49th heading towards the 52nd

Anonymous said...

must be a full moon

Anonymous said...

HAZMAT SUITS DON'T WORK FOR EBOLA