If Obama and Romney were on "Dancing With the Stars"

If last night's debate between GOP challenger "Willard" Mitt Romney and President Barack "Hussein" Obama were being scored by the judges of  DWTS it would have gone something like this.

For Mitt Romney's Argentine Tango with his partner Cheryl Burke:

Len G: (Smiling Broadly) Mitt, I knew you had it in you. Everybody said that you had to up your game and you did. So guess what?   --- This was your best dance.  I saw that you missed a few steps here and there, but you had good posture throughout and were the perfect frame for your partner and the material. Most important, you had the tempo and the drama and the passion that we've all been waiting for (turns to audience) am I right?  (audience goes wild)  See what I mean?  They loved it. And so did I.

Bruno T: (standing and leaning over the scoring table) You attacked this dance and your partner like you owned them. It was like watching an episode of "Mad Men" where the bad Don Draper was taking charge and doing it rough --- both in the boardroom and the bedroom --- Rrrowww. (sitting down and in a flip manner) Len was right, you missed a few steps here and there, but you even wove that into the whole theme of the dance perfectly. I don't think you could do it any better than you did.

Carrie Ann I:  (looks up from writing in her book)  Let's start with you obvious missteps --- they are very jarring when we know the way the Argentine Tango footwork is supposed to look. Also I was very surprised, I'm pretty sure I saw a lift....  But you delivered the dance the way Bruno said --- like you were somebody we've been waiting for, somebody who was there to take charge, was dressed for the part and had all the right moves....

Tom B: Mitt, I think they liked it --- now let's get your scores.

Len G:  Eight and a half (mostly cheers with one or two loud boos, Len half turns toward the boos) What are you goin' on about --- that's a good score for a good dance.

Bruno T: Nine (with a gesture implying no other score would be right)

Carrie Ann I:  Eight, because of the lift.

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For President Barack Obama's Jive with his partner Kim Johnson:

Bruno T:  (shaking his head in a "No!" motion) Barack, Barack, Barack what just happened?  You were at the top of the leader board, did you let that go to your head?. You had all the moves and all the cool for what should have been a great jive, but it fell flat. And you knew it too; after you got more and more into the dance, your face showed that you were losing your cool, not having fun and just wanted it all to be over. I don't know, did seeing Mitt do his tango as well as he did throw you off your game?  Next time we'll need to see the real Barack Obama to get your scores up so the folks at home have a reason to give you the big vote that you need to win the All-Star Mirror Ball.

Carrie Ann I: (Closes her book) Forget the score for now. I love the way you move on the dance floor and I know that you can do this dance in your sleep. BUT, that's no reason to actually try to do it that way. Right from the beginning you seemed detached , like you didn't want to dance. Then you seemed to lose the jive thread completely, so when you did the moves that technically are lifts that should have been perfectly okay in the jive, I decided to mark you off for them anyway.  I know you can thrill me, so I don't care about lifts --- go back to doing that next time.

Len G:  That was a very pedestrian jive. What you did wasn't that bad, it just wasn't that good either. Maybe, you were spending too much time with the girls on the View or what's his name Letterman. Look, when you see that Romney has showed up to do a real tango and is ready to deliver it, you have to dig down and do some real serious jive to beat that. You just didn't do it.

Tom B:  Mr. President, all of that was kinda harsh (pause) so let's just take the scores the way they come and say better luck next time.

Bruno T: (looking resigned and disappointed )  Seven!

Carrie Ann I:  Seven and a half.

Len G: (with a mirthful flourish) Seven!  (a smattering of boos)  What is this? (gesturing toward Bruno T) He says "seven" and nobody says a thing. I just don't know what I do to rub you folks the wrong way.

Tom B: Maybe, it's a British thing..... Tune in tomorrow to see what the folks around the country thought about all of it. Now for a  recap --- at the top of the leader board  is .......