What would Exxon be if there were no oil in any of the pipelines, tank farms and salt domes ? Hint: It would be a >>> former <<< energy giant.....
Marty Golden and his family's main business holding the Bay Ridge Manor, find themselves in that very same >>> former energy giant <<< boat
BUT QUICK --- SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE WHILE MARTY GOLDEN WANDERS AROUND BAY RIDGE TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF
People of Bay Ridge, you need to act before it's too late.....
Maybe you are closing your eyes to a situation that you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are just not yet aware of the caliber of disaster that would be indicated by the presence of a shuttered catering hall in the middle of your community.....
These are the times that try men's souls. In the course of our neighborhood's history, the people of Bay Ridge have rallied bravely whenever their community has been threatened. Today, the day after the fateful election of 2018, a new crisis has arisen. A very heavy and burdensome blight is about to befall the local population in the form of the immanent collapse of a hallowed and beloved Bay Ridge institution.
Citizens, hear me out, this is about to happen to all of us, if we don't act now.
.... Well, let me tell you of the story of a man named Marty
On a tragic and fateful day He put a big wad in his pocket,
Kissed his wife and family
To be re-elected state senator at the end of day....
Well, did he ever return?
No he never returned and his fate is still unlearned (what a pity)
He may lurk forever 'round the streets of Bay Ridge
He's the man who never returned
On a tragic and fateful day He put a big wad in his pocket,
Kissed his wife and family
To be re-elected state senator at the end of day....
Well, did he ever return?
No he never returned and his fate is still unlearned (what a pity)
He may lurk forever 'round the streets of Bay Ridge
He's the man who never returned
But with Marty suddenly out of the picture, who will funnel the cash into his beloved 76th Street big party joint necessary to keep it a going as a business entity ? Now that Marty can't use his position as a state senator to keep the sluices open for what, up to now, seemed like a limitless flow of shekels, what will keep the Bay Ridge Manor afloat ???
Here's where you have to do your part.....
I'm NOT asking anybody to pass the hat for the Golden family in this, their hour of sudden need. There are no need for raffles or bake sales, either.
What we do need is this: >>> for everybody in Bay Ridge and even Dyker Heights <<< to try to think of some function or event to book into the Bay Ridge Manor --- and quickly call up, whichever Golden family member Marty left in charge, to make sure that they know there is still business coming to keep the Manor going. It could be something for the Girl Scouts, or an AA anniversary party, maybe a K of C or Hibernians secret degree ceremony, it could some old bunch of retired Sisters of Saint Joseph's nuns getting together for drinks and to get a feed on, or even some particular class out of OLA's alumni association and (even though Irish Catholics are preferred), this effort is open to all.
AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: IF YOU CAN --- GO THAT EXTRA MILE >>> PUT ON "THE FULL BUFF" <<< YOU'LL BE GLAD THAT YOU DID !!!!!
A CAPITAL IDEA, MR. MASSEY!
ReplyDeleteI myself was thinking of something to uplift the girls of our community. Perhaps a course or one day school to prepare our community's young maidens for the hurly-burly of the workforce, before they settle down like good christian womenfolk and start birthing babies.
The Manor could be the focal point of a new breed of educational system, where the gentler sex could learn and practice their poise, serving techniques, perhaps even their necessary kitchen skills and hygienic cleaning practices in the home.
If anyone reading this has contacts with the business world, we might endeavor to solicit certain firms to contribute to this enterprise. The result could lead to training to be stewardess for one of the growing number of aeroplane companies that have begun to prop up.
If only the Manor had a large parking lot. Marty could have gotten the driving skills he needed to avoid all those vehicular unpleasantries.
ReplyDeleteA PARKING LOT. WITH METERS!
ReplyDeleteThe Manor could be repurposed to serve a growing need in Bay Ridge. Marty would want some spots for horse and carriages, but there could be an airpump for tires, and a rack for bicycles. Maybe one of them fancy charging stations for Mr. Musk's electrovehicles.
Let's vote with our stomachs -- keep the Manor open -- keep the Golden family well fed.
ReplyDeleteThe Manor is at the heart of Bay Ridge. We can't let it or the Golden Family fall.
ReplyDeleteWhat if patrons paid to have goldplated plaques on the back of their favorite chair?
Absent friends could, for a modest fee, be memorialized forever at the Manor.
The Larry Morrish Chair for Civics would be a fantastic first.
The Angelo Arculeo Chair for Culture War Cluelessness.
The Ray McKaba-Alfred Hitchcock Chair for Cinema Studies.
And of course, the Robert Morgan Chair for Janitorial Studies.
If we offer to buy the Manor at market value (considerably less than what it was yesterday, but there you go), will Marty promise to move to Florida?
ReplyDeleteThings were never the same after Marty disappeared. His brother and siblings tried to make a go of it, but without the Senator's helping hand, it quickly deteriorated.
ReplyDeleteEven now, years later, late at night, when you pass the boarded up site, when the wind is right, they say you can sometimes hear old man Marty calling out, "the fuuuuuuuuuuulllllllll buuuuuuuuuuuuffffffffffffffffff....."
What if "The Full Buff" is code for something far worse?
ReplyDeleteLawyering Up: A suspect's decision to stop answering questions and ask for a real election attorney.
ReplyDeleteEDP: Emotionally Disturbed Person, the politically-correct way to what was once referred as the person who puts chairs out at events. Or his girlfriend.
Full Buff: Affectionate slang for rubbing your money-funneling scheme to your own family in the public's nose.